The Fulmerazzi

…a day in the life

Bachelorette: More time in Cana-duh. June 18, 2009

Filed under: Bachelor, BABY — Lauren Fulmer @ 2:14 pm

 

And now for a show recap that’s waaaay overdue….This week opens as Jillian takes the 10 remaining bachelors for a week-long play-date in Whistler, BC.

 

ONE-ON-ONE DATE:  Break-dancer Michael

Since Michael is obviously one of the guys on the fringe, Jillian chooses him for the first one-on-one date. Translation: Is there anything beyond RedBull, Jim Carrey facial expressions, and bear-hugs about him?

jim 

I have the strong urge to call him “Mikey”…. perhaps it’s because his hyper personality reminds me of an 8-year-old boy. Or the fact that he keeps using words such as “crush” and “awesomeness” when referring to his feelings. 

 

Anyways, they have the most FUN date as Jillian takes him zip-lining through the mountains. They each take their separate turns, then end with a few tandem rides… Might be the closest those two ever get!

 

In other news, if Jillian’s screams were any higher pitched… it’d be a dog whistle.

 

That evening, they have a romantic dinner in a giant wine cellar. What she already knows about Michael is that he’s super fun/spontaneous but she’s looking to find his calm/serious side.

 

When she asks if he’d be ready to fall in love and settle down, Michael’s response is:

 “I am…like… a cheesy -_ _ _ , hopeless romantic, fall-in-love-if-a-girl-kisses-me-on-the-mouth kind of guy.”

 

GROUP DATE: Snowmobiling

Another fun group date as the 8 guys all go snowmobiling with our bachelorette. She chooses Robby to ride the snowmobile with her and then emasculates him by hopping in the driver’s seat, forcing him to hang on for dear life.

 

Now a montage of different “alone-times”…

Tanner- Again, they talk about the fact that some guys are here for the wrong reasons or have girlfriends. He advises her to keep her eyes open and eventually she’ll find out who it is.

 

Wes- Did anyone else want to gag when it was Wes’s alone time? I lost count of how many times he made reference to his upcoming album.

“I’ve got my own thing goin’ on in Texas…my own career. I mean, there’s no doubt this is going to help me with some publicity, but I don’t want her to think that that’s the reason I’m here.”

 

Kiptynite- HOT. She throws out the fact that she likes him… then prompts him to respond if he likes her back… to which he says: “YES! as in ‘ circle yes, no, maybe’…”

 

Reid-  He’s kinda silly… love that. Where does he see himself in 5-6 years?… married with an adventurous family. Then he tells her she smells good, like “snow, flowers, and (wait for it) GASOLINE“.  Interesting compliment.  Judges?…. we’ll take it!

 

Ed- She pulls him aside because she could sense that something was upsetting him. He said that his boss called and threatened that if he didn’t return to work, he could potentially lose his job. Such a gamble when there are ten guys left! Jillian reassures him that she’s interested by giving Ed the rose and pretty much prefaces it with the infamous movie line:

“If you like it, take it…. if not, throw it right back!” 

 

ONE-ON-ONE DATE:  Jesse and the Glacier

Poor Jesse gets the third, I repeat THIRD, helicopter ride of the season thus far. Oh well, I hear they’re going to land on a glacier so ABC regains some cool points there.

 

Once the ‘copter lands… they romp around,  snow-wrestle, and draws their initials in the snow.

 

Sidenote: they’re in the middle of nowhere, parked on a glacier, so you know what that means…. the helicopter pilot is just hangin’ out watching the whole thing. Awk-ward!

 

When they’re flying away in the helicopter the camera pans down to the glacier where they drew their initials. Oddly enough, the letters look PERFECT. Not like some lovebirds just romped around in their snowboots…. ABC, you’re so sneaky.

 

Later that night, the two sit around the fire and she starts drilling him with questions. Is it too soon after your last relationship? Do you want kids in the next 3-4 years? Where do you see yourself at age 35?  DANG. Poor Jesse is in the hot seat. 

 

He misses the romantic mark when he tells her that she has a sweet, raspy voice that could put you to sleep. (crickets). She seemed surprised at that compliment and disagrees…. her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard or like she’s been drinking whiskey since she was born.

 

Next up is the hot-tub portion of the night. Question is… Will Jillian live up to her nickname “Hot-Tub Harris” that she earned last season? I’ll tell you one thing… if Jesse saw that infamous scene from last season, he’s probably thinking he hit the jackpot right about now.


A Horse is a Horse, of Course of Course– BON VOYAGE, ED!

Mr. Ed

Mr. Ed

mr. ed

Mr. Ed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

Ed sits down with Jillian and announces that yes, in fact, he’s going home because he hates her guts and isn’t interested….  Kidding! His excuse is legit and he could severly damage his career by staying.

 

I’m so confused by this. Did he just take a 2-week vacation to get some airtime and meet Chris Harrison?  Did he think he could just leave?

 

Well, one thing’s for sure…. he obviously didn’t plan on finding a soul-mate on national TV. Also, Ed’s dating life in Chicago will be royally screwed from here on out…. “the work-a-holic that can’t open up”? No thanks. 


ROSE CEREMONY

Roses go to:

Breakdancer Michael

Jesse

Reid

Kiptynite

Robby 

Aviator Jake

Tanner “Foot Fetish”

Wes

 

PIZZA BOY MARK goes home… WHAT!? It’s one thing to not get a rose. It’s another thing to lose out on a girl to Foot Fetish Dude and the Music Man.

 

Cheers,

L.P.

 

Song-of-the-day: \”L.E.S. Artistes\” by Santigold

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One Response to “Bachelorette: More time in Cana-duh.”

  1. Megan Sweet Says:

    SERIOUSLY…when is Tanner going home?! What the hell. Can she just kick Reid off already so we have a chance together…haha! Love it fulms!


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